Can one word hold the power to transform relationships and shape our lives? In our thought-provoking conversation, we explore the profound influence of the word 'Mother' and the intricate bond it signifies. We journey into the core of the mother-child relationship, delving into its complexities and its empowerment, while also unraveling its potential to confine us. Through personal stories, literature, and shared experiences, we shed light on the power of this primal bond and its profound influence on our decisions and relationships.
We reflect on the transformative power of letting go, of breaking the cycle of over-dependency, and of fostering a balanced and respectful connection with our mothers. We offer practical advice on establishing a mature relationship with the maternal figure in our lives. We discuss the delicate act of reimagining this relationship, not just as a mother-child bond but as an adult friendship. Our conversation aims to inspire you to navigate your relationship with your mother and create a fulfilling and independent life. Tune in for an episode packed with insights, reflections, and advice.
Thank you for listening. If you have an idea or message you'd like to share, send us a message: Olivier Egli and Carlos Basurto
Can one word hold the power to transform relationships and shape our lives? In our thought-provoking conversation, we explore the profound influence of the word 'Mother' and the intricate bond it signifies. We journey into the core of the mother-child relationship, delving into its complexities and its empowerment, while also unraveling its potential to confine us. Through personal stories, literature, and shared experiences, we shed light on the power of this primal bond and its profound influence on our decisions and relationships.
We reflect on the transformative power of letting go, of breaking the cycle of over-dependency, and of fostering a balanced and respectful connection with our mothers. We offer practical advice on establishing a mature relationship with the maternal figure in our lives. We discuss the delicate act of reimagining this relationship, not just as a mother-child bond but as an adult friendship. Our conversation aims to inspire you to navigate your relationship with your mother and create a fulfilling and independent life. Tune in for an episode packed with insights, reflections, and advice.
Thank you for listening. If you have an idea or message you'd like to share, send us a message: Olivier Egli and Carlos Basurto
Mothers. They're important to us, but what role do they really play in our lives? This is, let it be known, with Carlos and Olivier.
Speaker 2:Now. So you hit me with a very good text message topic, and it's crazy because it was just one word, but it was a word that hit very deep. What was the word? Mother, mama, yeah, so it was crazy, though, because the moment you said that, a very emotional feeling hits an emotional feeling, yeah, it just just by one word. You didn't ask me a how's your mother or what's the relationship between your mother.
Speaker 2:You just said, because you know what's coming Exactly, and I and I think anyone out there, especially men, because again, you know, men, I feel we don't really talk about these things, but I mean Mother.
Speaker 1:That is, that is a good point. So you know. You want to know why I sent you that word.
Speaker 2:Yes, please, I want to know, because I mean, it was just one word.
Speaker 1:It's just one word. But me myself, personally, I had to learn, just, you know, maybe seven, eight years back. So when I was at the end of my last journey in corporate, in the corporate world, I had to learn that, wow, my mother still, even though I was like in my mid to late 30s, she still had considerable power over me, even though, you know, she, I it's not like I see my mom that much, it's not like I constantly talk to her she's doing anything, she's she's not doing anything with. Yet the idea that I still held on to who my mother was, what she taught me, who she was to me, what we experienced together, that still completely owned me and that led me to believe, hey, what if I'm not the only one when it? What if there's a clear pattern in Every human being where the bond with the mother actually Influences later on in life a lot our decisions, in the way we see ourselves. And guess what, carlos?
Speaker 1:I went on a deep dive. I Found literature. I found great stories like ancient stories, old stuff, mythological stuff, fables, tales, but then also psychological literature that very clearly stated that the mother bond that we have, that's the most magical bond we have in our life. But there's a problem that a bond Opposes your freedom. A bond, an attachment to something, makes it harder for you as an individual to move forward with your life. So if you have a very strong mother bond which you know, even for those people who maybe have mothers that were absent or Not as caring or over overly caring, right, the overbearing mothers like I had, I have an overbearing mother they are still kind of entrapped by that person, right, and that relationship they have with that person. So I Then, you know, I then moved on and I was like no, I'm a man, I'm a old man, you know, I'm my own person, right.
Speaker 1:And then I realized that I brought my Relationship with my mother into every relationship with the women around me. You know, kind of like Almost like everything got tainted by that relationship. And then I spoke to my friends you know the ones that wanted to open up to it, right, and Sure enough, I was onto something. There was even even the ones that denied, you know, that their mom would, in whatever way, still dictate who they are, how they see themselves, how they see the world, how they see their partners. I Could see in almost everyone that, nah, if, if you still attach to your mother, it's impossible for you to really Find out who you are and act completely independently, because mom taught you back then you know about the world, she, she, she taught you about what's important, what's good, what's bad, how you should love, what love is, and and and what other women are. You know what success means, what she wishes for you, for me, for me, for example, up to very recently, and maybe even still a little bit, I measured my understanding of my success, my achievements, with what my mother had taught me Success meant.
Speaker 1:So when I started to have like Self-imposter syndrome you know when I will beat myself up and put myself down and call myself an idiot it was actually because I felt like I was disappointing my mother. Yeah, and that's coming from a guy who I never had issues with my mom. Okay, I moved out of my parents house at the age of 17. I got my own place. I wanted to get away, but I now know that Physically moving out is not the same as moving out emotionally and mentally, right. So when, when you reach that age of your mid 30s, late 30s, sometimes 40s, three time that we invest time, we invest attention in Revaluating the relationship we have without mother.
Speaker 1:And then I did something. Actually, I go of my mom. I I let go of my mom, but only my head. I went into my head. I was like my attachment with my mother I'm done with it, I'm. I will not let her tell me anymore you know, like Her, but like 35 years ago, right, not now the old mom that still lives in the head, right in our heads. I will not let her tell me what's good and what's right, what's bad and what's wrong. I will, I will not let her tell me now that I live 6,000 miles away, unconsciously, subconsciously, speak through my head into my decisions. You know, oh no, if I do this, I feel disappointed. No, it's not me who's disappointed, it's. I know that my mom would be disappointed. I know this sounds crazy.
Speaker 2:It does. But you know, you know the amazing part of it is that We've kind of seen this before, but in the opposite side. So when you text me this, I Really start digging into it a little bit. But you know, one thing that and I know most people out there listening and you could understand this part is that we've always heard the women talk about having, you know the daddy issues or no father figure. It was like for the girls was the father and I'm not speaking for all girls, but I know few. They're like oh, you know, father wasn't. You know, it was the relationship of father. It's really kind of like what you said about a mom, but we don't really speak on that. Now I'm not saying that's kind of like the same thing you're saying, but I just really start things like you know, what have we ever? Have I ever talked about my mom like in that way, kind of like no, but it's just like man, did I make a decision because what my mom would say or what I would say?
Speaker 1:But just think for a second about what our mothers mean to us means the world. We Are born to them, okay, we come out of them, okay, we sit in their womb for nine months, which means our very first attachment with the living Happens through the mother. The umbilical cord attaches us to the mother and it is known in psychology that even though the umbilical cord is severed when you're born, that bond is never severed unless the mother severed it, but the mother's never do. That is my point. If you look into nature, in nature the mother bird kicks the young out of the nest, not because it's mean, but because he wants it to fly and live on its own. Mothers don't traditionally do that. Mothers do the opposite.
Speaker 2:They chain the kids to them, Right? They don't want. They don't want. Kick you out of the nest.
Speaker 1:No, they don't. And even if you know, even if you're unfortunate enough to have a mother, that's not as nurturing and overbearing. There is no real Ritual like nice ritual of detachment, right, if a mother kicks you out her house, you're still bonded, but the natural ritual of separation? You know why? Why that is needed. You want to be your own fucking person? Okay, you want to walk in your own maternal energy. And you know what the maternal energy means in life. It means that you are able to define your own rules. You're able to define your own life. You're able to choose for yourself. That's the maternal energy I I like also to call it. I like to call it Giving birth to yourself.
Speaker 1:You know when, when, when the world looks like a dark place, right, you feel like all your options are out the window. You don't know what to do next. There's no one to turn to, there's no book, there's no friend that gives you hope. You should be able to give yourself guidance, you. If we turn to our mothers, in that case, right? Well, what happens very often is we're the little chick again, hmm, and then we never grow up. Our mothers are only here in their motherly function during the first few years of our existence, when we're 45, there's no good in a deep motherly attachment that creates dependency. You know what I mean? No, I know exactly same.
Speaker 1:So I Told you before and I saw your reaction in your face, because you're easy to read when I said I had to let my mother go. Right, that sounds crazy. It does, but it's not man. It's not. Because what is a mother, first and foremost to a grown-up person? It should be a friend, it should be an advisor, it should be someone you want to spend time with. We don't want to spend time with our mothers when we're grown up, because we don't need the motherly presence. We need a friend with whom we've gone through Thick and thin, with whom we've seen crazy shit and who have we Shared crazier time with than the person in whose womb we actually grew. I mean, that bond is just insane.
Speaker 1:So now imagine if your mom became your friend and you had that kind of story to share. You had that kind of past, you had that kind of path together. Now that is a friend. That is a friend that will never let you down, that will never stab you in the back, you can always rely on. And guess what?
Speaker 1:I did that with my mom. I went mentally into my head and Disconnected from her as a mother by saying all the things that she did, all the things that she taught me and said to me that somehow Hurt me and held me back and made me question myself and pushed me beyond my limits, but also almost broke me and then kept me in a dark place. I was like she had to do that. She had to do that because she was young, she was inexperienced. She tries her best, but I'm not letting her go. And when you let go of your mom, in your head it's like you're going out of a room and Then you come back into the room and now your mom is your friend. Man, I cannot tell you how much I wish everybody could do that, because Suddenly we would all have a very best friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Suddenly, we would all have a very best friend who's also a teacher to us, who taught us about love. But because of that, because the mother role is now free, right, you're now in power of taking over that role. See what I did there? Yeah, when you let go of your mom, turn her into friend, and now this is gonna sound weird, but that's just language, okay. So see past that, you come back as your mom.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:You now. You now hold the power of Nurturing yourself, because that's what mothers do. Mothers are nurturing energy, but when you let them go, when they don't serve you anymore, who's your nurturing energy in your life now? Well, you have to be yeah, remember.
Speaker 2:Yeah, could you pretty much told your mom leave.
Speaker 1:Well, not just that, because we need nurturing right but we held on to a source of nurturing that has expired. Our moms don't serve us anymore. When we're 30, 40, 50, 60 years old, they cannot guide us because we have to be our own person, right? So it's important that we we do that shift. You know that we incite that shift so to let them go. But then we come back in that role and you cannot be an independent person. You cannot tell me that you own yourself, that you are yourself your own guides, that you are the, the person you know taking care of your needs, if you still have that attachment with the ancient mother that brought you up. It's not possible. It's simply not possible. It's not.
Speaker 1:And I can say this with certainty because when I work with my clients, we always get to denigrated. You know, to the bottom of their fears and their problems, right, it almost always relates to something they'll learned first or second hand in their families, through their parents and then oftentimes their mothers, because the mother is the nurturing energy. You get nurtured with stories, but as a little child, do you question your mother's stories? Of course not exactly. And that is a problem, because now the the teaching their seeds you know the seed of what they teach you. They fall on soil. That is very, very hungry and open to anything you give it, and if it's your mom, then you are even more open to the story. We don't learn to question our mothers. It's not natural. It's not natural.
Speaker 2:No, it's true. I mean you've heard. I mean the same, the same thing is you know it's. It's hard because you say you know as a child we could have looked at it this way, but you know, growing up, I can tell you this there's been times are growing up has been implemented to me. Is that I'm not your friend, I'm your mother.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, you know.
Speaker 2:So it's kind of like there you go, it's been implemented. It's just like don't treat her as a friend, treat it, remember she's your mother and they everybody around you. Remember she's your mother, don't disrespect your mother. I mean, you shouldn't disrespect friends either, but yeah, it was more bigger to say hey, it's your mother.
Speaker 1:So but that in itself is also story. You know, it's something that they learned from their mothers, yeah, and their mothers from their mothers, yeah. So we never question those stories. They are just Carry it on from generation to generation. But you, it should end with you. You have the power to end it. You have the power to break the chain and say you know what craziest thing I've ever said All the guys in the room Become your own moms.
Speaker 1:It's a crazy proposal, but you know what nature wants you to do that, because that means become your own fucking person. Kick yourself out the nest and see if you can fly, because back then your mothers didn't do it because they didn't know they had to. It's not it's. It's not on them. You know, don't blame them. They didn't know, they were forced by their moms and their grandmoms and the circumstances and whatnot.
Speaker 1:But I guarantee you have the people listening right now who have somewhat issue an issue with their sense of success and self-worth and confidence and whatnot for themselves in their relationship. It all relates to the space that's taken by this one voice, and if they could claim that voice and say like now, man, I'm in charge. Now, self-ownership requires you to reinvestigate all those voices, the most powerful voices in your head, and I'm sorry to say again, you might think right now that your most powerful voice is a you're your, your wife, your kids, it's whatever business idol you have. No, it's the mom, because the mom is who gave you life, it's who gave you birth, it's who brought you into this plane and nurtured you, fucking breastfed her, you, you know she breastfed you, that's even symbolically it's it's nurturing it's, it's it's life being fed into your mouth.
Speaker 1:Yeah, of course you will hold this connection dear and sacred and you will never question it. Yeah wow, but we have to, you have to.
Speaker 2:I agree now that what you're saying, but we've never really had it in us to really think and see it that way. Like you know, one mom's become your friend. You know, I love what you said. Right now, kick yourself out of the nest and see if you can fucking fly. Yeah Right, because you know your mom wouldn't. No, she wouldn't, she wouldn't.
Speaker 1:Even later. You know, then people go and spend, they go on brunches with their moms and ask them to set them free. Moms can't do that. You cannot ask that of your mom. You have to do it. You have to do it. Yeah, and if your mom is like in your 70s, late 60s or 80s, don't go crazy on her, Don't go tell her. You know, you were a real bitch when I was little, you really fucked me up, you really fucked me up.
Speaker 1:That's just gonna cause harm. That's gonna sour the relationship. All you can do is go towards her and now welcome her as a friend. If your mom, when you were little, did not wanna be your friend, I guarantee you, like I bet on it Today, she would not want anything but that All our moms, our grown-up moms of us, grown people, they would love for us to welcome them into their lives, in your lives in our lives as friends Beautiful, you know.
Speaker 1:And what do friends do? They're laying on each other, right. But we as grown-ups, with our moms, we're like weird, we're like kinda awkward, kinda loving, but they're also not, and we kinda feel forced to spend time. Or when we spend time, we spend time with like irreverence and like uber respect, almost like, oh, you can do that. You can say that. No man, you should be free. You should be free Be like hey, we're having a real natural grown-up conversation and relationship and it's the natural progression that a mom will accept, that she will. It's also you who has to demand it, you have to demand it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it's. You know, growing up you've had terms again. Like you know, your mother, your mother protects your mother won't kick you out of the nest, it's not. But at one point at your age I wanna say, at least for me, I'm trying to think really hard. When it's like at 16, 17, even 18, you kinda just he kinda fades away, but it fades away that that was your mom you know, that was your mom.
Speaker 2:There was nobody else or anything like that. You never really come back, like you said, like you said like right now, and say, mom, you're my friend. It just kinda stayed there. We, like we kinda put it away Somewhere in our brains. We just put away that's your mom. You grew up, she knew best, she wouldn't kick you out, she loved you, she'd protect you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all this stuff. And then it kinda fades away at a certain time in your life, or you never. I mean shit, it's like it's still affecting you, but you just never bother to really open that door in you, exactly but just because you don't open that door doesn't mean it's not still there yes exactly.
Speaker 1:All this shit is still there, it's festering, it's rotting, it's fermenting and you know it's all doing all these things and then suddenly you have to get married, you have a kid of your own and all that and things are weird because somehow you're still having this bond, but the bond did not evolve. You know, we never evolve, we never update that relationship. So actually, what I'm asking for people to do here is update the relationship with your mom. I love it. Like download the new firmware. The new firmware is called mom is a friend. That's what the new firmware is called. And when you update that, at the same time also update your own firmware. And now you are your own. You know maternal energy, and that is crazy. Giving birth to yourself is a breakthrough. It just means like, fuck, yeah, I own myself.
Speaker 2:So have you updated the firmware.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, completely. Like I love actually hanging with my mom, Like now I hang before. It was weird to like I didn't even know what to talk about.
Speaker 2:I gotta go with my mom me and my mom.
Speaker 1:right Now you get to hang with your mom, yeah you get to hang, you get to hang, you get to like, hey, let's go have a coffee. You know, when I'm over there she lives in Europe when I'm over there, I'm actually at in a house, at my best friend's house, and we just get to eat together, talk together, you know, and we can be very sincere. It's another thing. The one person or the people with whom it's the most awkward to talk about personal stuff, it's your parents. You don't wanna talk about sex with your parents, but they're very good friends. You could, you could. So that shows the quality of the relationships.
Speaker 1:But when you grown up, you don't need weird, awkward relationships. You don't need that, and you don't, I agree. You throw friends out of your circle that are awkward. You don't want that. That's why it's weird when we're still have this strange awkward attachment to our parents and at the same time, we don't make space in ourselves to you know, to claim that, to say, like you know what, I Don't need a mother anymore. In that sense, as I was little, I'm gonna take over that role, I'm gonna nurture myself. But that mother that I have, I Want to like, celebrate that bond. I want to celebrate the fact that she gave me life, know that she was there, yeah, or that that you did what she did.
Speaker 1:Even you know the ones where their relationships are not great. It doesn't mean that you actually have to hang. It just means that you have to update that relationship and claim that space. But it also means that if then you run into her, things are cool things, okay. Yeah, people hold on to like grudges because something that happened 30 years ago, 35 years ago, you can do that, but then that shit, the past owns you and your Mom back then owns you. It's not fair. Your mom was maybe like in her mid 20s or something. Yeah, what did she know? She was just trying her best or she did whatever she could, even if it meant to be abusive and mean, but for whatever reason she was in that place. It's time to let go and it's time we update that relationship and say like, hey, you did what you did. I let go of that. I walked out the room, but I came back and I'm open to have a friendship with you, a magical beautiful friendship.
Speaker 2:I wonder how many you know? Do you ever wonder? Maybe from experience you know, you and your mom, the reaction. Or maybe they're waiting for that relationship like to. Maybe the moms are waiting to get updated on firmware.
Speaker 1:You know, for you know your words psychology and mythology both have an answer to that. Yes, they are. They are waiting for that. They don't even know it, it's unconscious, but it's a natural progression of the relationship between the mother and child and at some point the child claims its ownership, claims its life and says mom, I'm now ready, I'm now a man and I'm still here for you, but as a friend. The mother's wait for that there's no, you know. There's a reason why at some point the mother's stop giving milk and Stop, you know, being the way they wear when you were in your you know, when you were three, four, five years old. There's a shift as a change.
Speaker 1:Yeah the nurturing changes and at some point it becomes adult friendship nurturing. You know it's, it's, but we don't allow for it. We constantly like, oh, she's my mom, and with that comes everything that's attached to the idea of a mother and that's not helpful. If you want to become an independent, strong person that follows His heart, does exactly how he feels, brings himself into the world, that's speaking for the man you have to let go of that person's heart, to let go of that person that taught you back then how the world works and what women want, and you know what success is and what matters. You have to. It doesn't even matter what she said back then, it's just the fact that she was there Makes it necessary for you to update that firmware.
Speaker 1:Yeah but then again Tommy Carlos, who teaches us that no one.
Speaker 2:I mean the only thing I can remember, when you actually hit me with that and now that we're talking about just just, I've been told it just she's your mother. Yeah, and honestly I didn't even know really the impact it was having. Yeah, but man, I'll be honest, yeah, I haven't. I haven't had the moment where I tell my mom like she's my friend.
Speaker 1:How nice would that be.
Speaker 2:Oh, dude, she'll love it about it right, think about it.
Speaker 1:You, you hug her like a friend. You really want to be around, like a friend that nurtures you. A friend that's just real, a real friend, real, not like you know, kind of like. That's powerful, yeah, that's. And and it's also fair to her, because our mothers, at some point they can't be mothers anymore. It's not fair to them because being a mother it's exhausting, being a mother is it's straining, it's like responsibility for another being. Yeah, but you have to step forward and say like I got it, I have my own responsibility. Now, mom, I'm good, you cannot be responsible for yourself and I'm here to help you. But who says that to their elderly mom, who says that to them, says like mama got you. Because we're friends, not because you're my mom, I Got you just like you got me. You can now and again Young mothers will fight me on this. I don't fucking care.
Speaker 1:Being a mother is a part-time job. It ends the moment when the friendship is updated. It's a part of it's, not a lifelong job as all the memes say. No, I'm sorry, at some point the chick is ready to fly, it's ready to go. And if you, as a mother, didn't do it, well then the bird has to do it and Kick itself out the nest and then you're not a mother anymore. Then you should become that friend that plays, where people can always come back to and find that sweet embrace and advisory and Realness and authenticity. But not because it's your mom, because it's a friend. That that is. It's like nature teaches us that it's just we, we humans, are so Attached, we don't want things to change. We cannot, we cannot, cannot deal with the idea that our mom would not be our mom anymore.
Speaker 1:We cannot deal with like, oh no, I know, I want, I want safety and I won't comfort I won't know I can always come home to bowl of soup, and you know and like, and I can always be her little chicklet, but then then don't fucking complain that there will always be someone who controls your steps. That's true, you know. Then then then you choose victim hood. Yeah, then you're a grown-ass victim, and worse if your mom's dead and you're still attached to your mom, yeah, well then you're controlled by dead, you controlled by an image that's not even valid anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah and that happens more often than not. Dang right, that's In. I mean, it just dictates everything. And I think you were correct in mentioning that known phenomenon that has also been explored in psychology, where the bond between the daughter and the father, yeah, but that's a whole different energy, because Fathers are, by definition, more absent than mothers.
Speaker 1:There's a distance. You know that in the, in the parent Set up, in the family setup of the parents, the father is usually more distant but the mother is also kind of like in a competition with the daughter. Yeah, for the attention of father right. That is something you don't really see in the connection with the mother right and especially the boy no, I agree, but it's the same with the daughter, because the daughter also sees herself in the mom her future self, yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's very important for the daughter as well. For women choose as much to update their understanding of their mothers, because they could have a wonderful friend that understands them even better Because they're also female. But for us men To open ourselves up To the female in us, you know, say like I can mother myself, I can, I can take care of myself, I can nurture myself, which is not a male thing taking care of yourself, nurturing yourself. In psychology it has always been seen as the female thing, not the male thing. We think like being strong, showing independence and all that as a male thing.
Speaker 1:It's actually not the earth, the kitchen, the fire, the house, the home, all these symbols that we know from the past. They were always associated with the female, because that's where birth happens and birth is the process of the mother, not the father, even if procreation takes both parts. Yeah, birth and the creation of the unborn in the womb, that's an entirely female process, but Mailing female, both have it in them. So we have to, you know, not just grasp for the mail in us, right? We men, we always go for the spear and the shield and and fighting and struggle and competition, but we never go for the nurturing their self care, the roots, the, you know, all those energies that we associate with our mothers. We never do that to ourselves. Well, it's time we do. It's time we do down.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm just thinking I'm like, you know, 40 years old, 40 years old here, and I'm like man, never ever like thought about looking into, like that, going up to my mom and saying, my friend, yeah, yeah, I'm doing this because you're my friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah powerful man like yeah, like that's what I'm saying. One word just threw me off when you, when you text, and I'm just like Dang, but also, you know, emotion. But you know, going back to that was because I just remember back then she's your mother and you know she's done this for you, done that for you, and there's that, you know, memory of mom, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you know, it's not always a memory. Sometimes it's also we feel like we owe her Because she gave us all that right, well, that, remember that.
Speaker 2:That whole you know Saying you know your mom brought you into this world, so you need to do this for her, or you need to do it because you know that's the least you can do. She brought you into this world. I mean and I know I'm not the only one who's heard it.
Speaker 1:I'm sure some of these listening no I agree, I I keep hearing that, but that's bullshit, because that means that you were born already with the burden of Debt. You're already indebted as you. You're born and I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's not true. That is a human concept. Your mom gives birth to you. You're here and now you have the chance to, to embrace that relationship.
Speaker 1:But but to do things because you owe, that's horrible. You can't have that relationship with your banker, but you cannot have that relationship with the person that gave you life, yeah, and, and you have to nurture that. You can only nurture it if you update it the best way possible, way it nurtures the both of you. But to then do things because it's your mom, it's completely different than doing things because it's your very best friend. Right, it's completely different. One is built on debt, the other one is built on the heart. I want to. Of course I would do that for my best friend. Of course I would take care of her, but like I gotta take care of her because she's my mom. How horrible, how, how.
Speaker 2:I mean, it just sounds bad when you say like that, you really think about it. I got help.
Speaker 1:My mom like it already sounds like oh, dude, I'm so sorry, yeah, but you say like now I gotta go and you know, gotta hang me with my best friend or gotta go take care of my best friend, bro, go Go, she needs you. Yeah, but like, oh, yeah, I know I have an elderly mom too. It's like, oh, yeah, right, like why, and like no, it's not a contract. It's not a contract, it's a blood bond. It's quite a different thing and you should honor it by giving it the spin that it deserves and taking it at space. Your mom will never she will never judge you for being your own person. So why prevent yourself from that magic, right?
Speaker 2:Big time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, you know it. Just it just so happened that it was Was on my mind because I ran into it a few times lately. I had a conversation with a group about that and of course it like it stirred the pot and people got like really riled up and you know. So I mean good.
Speaker 2:No, definitely, could definitely share the pop, but the more we talk about it, the more it's like okay, I see now what you mean by the word mother and how I mean how it all works. But okay, so let me ask you this for people out there listening and even for myself. I mean, going back to your experience, that you, you and your mom you know, like you said, she's your friend when you came to realize, like you know, my mom is my friend you know, I don't, you know she's a friend.
Speaker 2:Like how do you did you approach your mom? I was, you just start doing things as a friend like, hey, you want to go get some coffee, mom, you know stuff like that. Just because you're not you know what. I want to have a cup of coffee with my friend.
Speaker 1:Of course, it's the thing that changes when you do that is, you can see it. You can take a clear example. In my case, it was actually, I think it was a Christmas dinner, okay, and I used to dread Christmas dinner.
Speaker 1:I used to dread all kinds of like family functions, because I'm just, I'm just not good in social settings that seem forced, right, like I have nothing to say. I don't like to chit chat much, unless you get me there with you know the essence of red wine and things like that, but but in general and my family doesn't drink much, so you know it's stern and kind of dry, you know. So it always felt like an obligation. In this one time, and I think that was about six years ago I went. But because I had done that work, I revisited, you know, my mother's role within me for myself and kind of claimed that space for myself and said like no man, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna be my own mom technically and that's how I'm gonna walk this earth. And then I Told my wife as we went, you know, actually my wife asked me so Well, you think, what is it gonna be like tonight? Yeah, and usually I would have said, oh, you know it's gonna be this, and then my father's gonna say that and everybody's gonna be offended and the love of all. You know the expectations, right.
Speaker 1:But because I had updated my relationship, I actually did not expect anything. And that's a thing when you, when you meet a mother, you expect things, you expect to be hugged Against your own will or not against you. Will you you expect for someone to cook for you or For something to happen or something to be said? But with a friend is completely different. A real friend, you only have an intention, and that's how I approached my mom. Then I went to that Christmas dinner and all I had was an intention. You know what my intention was. I said I'm gonna see her as a friend. That was my intention.
Speaker 1:And the year before it was like fuck what, what kind of personal attack will I have to fend off this time? What kind of stupid joke is my father gonna tell this time and how's my mom gonna be offended by this time? You know all these. I had all these scenarios, but this time I had no scenarios. I was just like I'm just gonna be my parents friend and we had the greatest time. We had the greatest time. It was actually nothing was awkward or strange. I don't know if the conversation was different, but because my angle was different, I I actually realized, hey, I choose to be here, I want to be here, and because I wanted to be there, I actually was there for the first time and for the first time I felt like my mom and I and we had a connection. It was not like Visibly my face that I didn't want to be there. I actually chose to be there and I listened. I didn't just speak to, you know, she fend off attacks. I was just listening, I was free of judgment.
Speaker 1:I was just giving, and that's what happens. That's what happens when you claim yourself, when you own yourself. You show up as someone who owns yourself. The people realize it. You mother realized it and she's super happy for you. She was super happy for you. She actually told me hey, I don't know what you're doing, but keep it up.
Speaker 2:You know this guy did this morning. It was the first day of school for my kids and you know, my son. All right, dad, you know this and that right, but when he sees his friend dude, it's such a different energy with that friend. Yeah, the way they communicate, the high five and like the vibe. You just see that and now I'm thinking I just now, one day I honestly, besides just him and his mind being me being a father, I mean I can definitely see like I wanna be your friend.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, but you have to wait for him to be ready, right See, that's what fathers sometimes do. They then impose themselves on their kids as a friend, and that's just weird for the kids.
Speaker 2:It's just weird, it's just like. Dad, don't do that you know, dude, I've had those moments.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, it's like you suddenly being on TikTok, yeah, and doing the same dances as your daughter.
Speaker 1:Daughter's gonna be embarrassed, she's gonna be mortified. Ha ha ha. You have to wait for that space to be free in her. You know she has to make room, she has to give you the seat. That's powerful man. Right there, you're right, yeah. And when she gives you the seat, take it. Take that seat, be that friend, because that is just like, oh, there's just all kinds of magic in that, because now you've been invited, now that is holy, because that kind of friend you don't let go Like. When she or he invites you in, she says like Dad, you're my friend, now Whoa. I mean whoa, yeah, you're on top of the world, right, yeah, that's it. I got nothing to say, dude, that was so my good life, dude how much Two hours.
Speaker 2:Right Dude, that was.
Speaker 1:I don't care and you guys will listen, because this is important.
Speaker 2:And, trust me, there's a lot of people out there have kids. I mean as a parent. Dude, let's just open up. My big time Came in here just with a mother. Look at where we are.
Speaker 1:And then suddenly we let it be known, and then the whole universe expands and all kinds of star systems emerge and surface and boom, boom, boom.
Speaker 2:Now I mean no, this is just you know, this is yeah, definitely one word. That was all that came. It all started one word.
Speaker 1:One word extinguisher. Well, now, as always, carlos, thank you, no, thank you, man, you know, being here and for doing this, and people are there. Thank you for listening and and your mothers will thank you and you will thank yourself if you take even just a little bit of what we spoke about today to heart.
Speaker 2:I will trust me. You got me.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:With that, I am out. So I'm here till next time, guys.