The Benefits of Being Alone

Picture this: you're on a journey to discover who you truly are, navigating through life's lonely moments. It's not a journey you've chosen, but it's one you're on nonetheless. The echoes of solitude can be daunting, but what if there's more to it than meets the eye? This episode is a deep exploration into the profound themes of loneliness, self-love, and self-discovery. We unpack our fears and misconceptions about being alone, revealing how solitude can be a catalyst for immense personal growth.

How many times have you felt swayed by societal norms, conforming to expectations that don't align with who you truly are? We've all been there. Through our comprehensive analysis, we delve into the power of self-love and the remarkable transformation it can trigger in our lives. We free ourselves from the shackles of unmet expectations, crafting a confident and self-assured persona that attracts the right people. We also delve into some of life's inevitable solitary moments and discuss how to successfully navigate them on our terms.

As we near the end of our enlightening chat, we shift our focus towards the value of solitude in relationships. We examine the potential pitfalls of societal expectations, discussing the courage it takes to choose solitude when necessary. More than just avoiding loneliness, we discuss the importance of honesty with our partners about our need for solitude, and how this can significantly strengthen our relationships. Finally, we unravel the impact of self-discovery on mental health and the opportunities it provides to reconnect with the world, becoming more attractive to others. Join us on this empowering journey of self-discovery, let's embrace solitude, and learn to love ourselves a little bit more.

7:54: Self-Love and Overcoming Loneliness
24:45: Loneliness and Self-Understanding in Relationships
40:52: Loneliness, Self-Discovery, and Mental Health

Thank you for listening. If you have an idea or message you'd like to share, send us a message: Olivier Egli and Carlos Basurto

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Does being alone lead to loneliness, and is it okay to be alone? Do we have to fear loneliness? This is, let it be known. With Carlos and Olivier. There is a whole range of topics that are centered around the idea of loneliness and being alone, being in silence, being for yourself, all these things that I think strike a chord in most men, because isn't it so that at some point in our lives we're afraid that we might actually end up alone? Right, we might end up. It's just us, and maybe we feel lonely. And then that creates kind of like the backdrop of our lives and we think is that going to be it forever?

Speaker 2: 1:06

Right, and it's feelings as well that we go through it, because when you go through some traumatic or some trauma or whatever in your life, you know you got to work on yourself and you got to do you. You got to love yourself. And you start working on yourself and developing habits of being with you and your surroundings and everything. But then you start thinking am I developing something where I don't want anybody else to come in?

Speaker 1: 1:35

But if you say that, that means that at some point you have the realization that you have to work on yourself. It doesn't just happen like that, because that's a conscious choice to say, I'm going to go into my cave and work on myself and develop some rituals, right, so that's the first thing. And so you're saying that if you do that, maybe at some point you develop certain defensive strategies that make it hard for other people to come into your circle.

Speaker 2: 2:08

Yeah, like, for instance, I mean you say I'm I develop on. You know, I'm working on myself, so I'm going to go. I'm going to do that challenge that we talked about in another episode, where I'm going to go have dinner just by myself. Yeah, no phone or nothing, I'm going to go for a hike. I need to work on myself. And then you start doing well, don't get me wrong, I mean you're doing well, you're, you love yourself and everything's great. And then I don't know if you started building a routine where no one really connects to that routine. So you still keep doing it yourself and when you get invited, you want to do that. No, that's not part of my routine.

Speaker 1: 2:44

Have you ever? I mean, I think this is a great point and in the fear around, it is very valid. But have you ever considered, when you do that, when you, when you do this kind of like the self hygiene, this mental self hygiene where we talked about that right and kind of cast out all the things that are kind of holding you back or they're weighing you down, that are costing you time and resources, money, you know, attention, love, that take away from you, bent with of being a happy person, so you now cast those things out and you find space for yourself? I would say that if someone were really to do that, honestly, what happens is that they become a complete person For themselves again, which makes them also a person who's able to now, you know, offer love or offer attention to someone else, which was not possible before because you were kind of like this Disrupt the person that didn't know, yeah, who they are. So now I think it rather works in a way that if you're really truthful in reconnecting with yourself, you're now ready to let people in. I would say that makes you a real socially, a really socially valuable person, because you cut the bullshit right, you're free of bullshit.

Speaker 1: 4:12

You mentioned that. You mentioned to me I don't know if it was last time. You know that that thing like people invite you for a hike, right, and now you don't feel like going for a hike, right, because you're so in tune with yourself of realizing I'm not a hiker, or right now I don't feel like hiking, right now I would like to be by myself. I cherish that. So that means that your quality time would be better spent with yourself than going on a hike that you wouldn't possibly not enjoy, right? So you think that will make you a sociopath because you're not going. But I would argument while you find in quality time with yourself, you're being honest towards your friends, whether they like it or not, the ones that appreciate that they might actually, you know, cut a slice out for themselves and be like damn right, this guy knows what he wants, right?

Speaker 2: 5:11

But okay. So, like you said, you've learned to let people. Like you say now you I mean what you're saying is that you love yourself and gone through this. Now you're ready to let someone in, right.

Speaker 1: 5:22

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 5:23

But let me tell you, let me ask you this what if you forgot how to let someone in? How do you? I mean like, like I mean remember you never really understood love and you didn't know how to love someone else because you never really loved yourself? Yeah, and we talked about this in the other episodes, but I think within time and again I'm speaking from me and maybe some other guys out there who who might be thinking in it again one of those topics were, like you probably just talked to yourself about it, like like, has things changed? Like how do I let someone like in, how do I connect with someone? You know what I'm saying and then maybe you don't say anything about it and you just keep going by yourself. Like I do know.

Speaker 1: 6:01

Here's the thing, though I, as much as I agree that that could be a story that starts cycling in your head, letting people into your life is not a, it's not a protocol, it's not a procedure. It's just something that happens. You know, you're not like. Oh, this is step one.

Speaker 1: 6:18

That leads to step two and three and then you're in or you're like there's a procedure, look at little kids. You let you leave little kids be in that you know like someone is something in the yard on a playground, yeah, and you let them be right. But kids that are really in a good place, you know that have no self torment and no hate against the world. So let's say, like an adult person that is free, that is in tune with themselves. They walk through life and they are like magnets. Suddenly someone speaks to them. They speak to you, right, because they see something in you. But now, because you're free of the bullshit, you're not pretending to be cooler than you are, more successful than you are, stronger than you are more masculine than you are. You just you play an old self.

Speaker 2: 7:10

Right.

Speaker 1: 7:11

Now suddenly, yeah, three people are going to walk away or you're not going to be comfortable with them. Good, because those are not the people you want around you. But then there's that one person that is just kind of like latching onto you and you feel like, holy shit, this person gets me. Because why? And this is, after all, the name of the show because you let it be known, right, because you're now in a place to let it be known. I think to let it be known means nothing else but to be so in tune with yourself that you sing that song of your truth. You let it be known to everybody, right. And if some people are not okay with that, you don't want them in your life.

Speaker 2: 7:54

I agree 100%. But, like you said, someone will approach you, someone will actually come up to you, right?

Speaker 1: 8:00

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:01

And you've heard the phrase of don't rush it, don't worry your time. Someone will see who you really are and approach you. But what if that time, just time, goes on and goes on, goes on, goes on. We're five years, we're at seven years, Dude. You get to the point where it's been like nine years since anybody ever said hi to you. And then finally someone does say hi to you and you fucking forgot like to even catch it and you kind of let that person just I mean, you didn't actually pay attention to it.

Speaker 1: 8:29

But that would mean that you're getting jaded by unmet expectations. Because if you reconnect with here's the thing, carlos, here's the thing. Here's the thing where I think we have to be careful. If you are truly honest about self-work, if you really reconnect with yourself, love, you become free of expectations. Now you're just. You play, not self. That says, today I will just go out there and be myself, do my thing, come home, go to sleep, and that is fucking it.

Speaker 1: 9:05

But if you still have in the back of your head just the slightest bit of hope and expectations oh, I hope someone's today gonna like, is going to approach me and someone's gonna try to enter my circle today You're fucked. Everything's out the window. Because now again you're fearful, old self. What if nobody loves me? What if nobody's there? What if nobody stretches out their hand and grabs mine? And then you didn't do the work. I mean, then you're still not loving yourself because you're fearful that you might not be worth any love.

Speaker 1: 9:45

Okay, a loving person, a truly loving person, a self loving person, has none of these inner conversations, because those were the conversations that person had to get rid of. Those were the. That was the problem in the first place and this is the law. I observed that in business so much and I always failed to grab it. I always failed to grasp it. It's the law of attraction you become attractive to the people when you are attractive to yourself. It's the way the nature works and the universe works.

Speaker 1: 10:32

Those people that we find that they exude. You know this energy, this charisma. We call it charisma, we call it presence or energy. They enter the room and suddenly boom, something changes. They're not special. They don't have like a degree in being special. They're not born with anything different than all of us. The only difference is conviction of the self. We call them. Oh, they're so. You know, they have so much confidence, right, confidence. Well, what is confidence? It's either a bullshit play, but then you're still a fearful person, or it's the expression of yourself. Love Someone who enters a party where everybody's dressed in black and they enter the room in red and they're like, oh shit, I didn't know. Well, whatever, now I'm here, like let's do this. Oh, how are people not gonna look at that person?

Speaker 1: 11:31

and be like wow okay, this person has something. And what does this person have? That which all of the other people wished they had Self-conviction to show up as themselves and say like ah, that's me, I'm sorry, take it or leave it, let it be known. It should be your business card, you know. You show up and you say look, this is what I am about, this is what I believe, this is what I do, this is who I am. Got any problem? There's the door. If not, I'm here, I'm open, just do it.

Speaker 1: 12:04

Then, if you meet someone else who's open to that, you become friends for life, you become partners or you become transient colleagues. But it's real, right, it's real. So I think you know as valid as the fear of loneliness is, that too is a bullshit story that society is feeding us With movies and shows and news reports and social media. Loneliness is self-created. It's self-created. Is it really, though? Yeah, we created. We created with those stories that we upheld. I'm gonna die alone. I feel alone, I'm a lonely person, I'm not worthy of love, nobody loves me, I'm invisible. Invisibility is everything.

Speaker 2: 12:52

So okay, but what I'm saying also is that okay, is there a point where it's okay to go look for someone? You said someone might come and say hi, but should I be the person that actually goes as high to someone? Or and I'm not saying particularly just to a woman, I'm saying just in general, everything like a crowd Like you know, like, okay, look Friday night. I'm saying here, should I go out to the bar? Should I go out and say hi to someone and try to build a relationship up with more people? You know just whether they be friends, business, whatever the case may be. Or, hey, do I wanna be that guy who's looking for someone you know like, or does it just come to you?

Speaker 2: 13:34

You know, at one point, look and I know some guys have thought about this there's people in this world that die alone, not saying that they were lonely, but they die alone. So how does that start? It's like maybe you know you open up this hole and you're just falling into it. You keep thinking more and more and more of it. But is this how it starts? Shit like.

Speaker 1: 13:59

I've known so many people through my practice who were on the brink of death, and there's this realization that hits you at some point that no matter how big your circle of friends or your family is, you will die alone. Birth and death are very, very, very lonely moments in life, Just like life itself must be lived for yourself. We constantly think we have to do things in groups in order to survive them, but in the end we forget that life is to be lived on your own terms and your own parts. So it's an illusion to think that you know you're gonna be better off just by amassing people around you. The beauty is more that you wanna share love. You wanna be able to forward the love that you have for yourself. And I imagine, if you're a fearful person, a person that's fearful of loneliness, what kind of partner are you gonna be? You're gonna forward your fear of loneliness. And mind you, Carlos, I've had a lot of loneliness in my heart when I was younger and I drove my partners into insanity.

Speaker 1: 15:16

I was so clingy, I was needy. I was a needy fucking guy. Horrible like I look at myself. I used to look at myself with disgust. Now I just look at myself as like, yeah, I was that person. I thought I was not worthy of love and so whenever someone was close to me, I was afraid that person's gonna leave. That's what you do. Your attention is now only on loneliness, Mind you. Why make loneliness even a topic of your life? Because as soon as you voice that thought in your head, loneliness is a thing. Now you know it's a thing. It becomes a thing. We gave it a word, we gave that word of definition, and now it's this big monster in the background that growls at us whenever someone leaves. And that has to do with loss, that has to do with the glass. Have empty fear mentality we have when a person leaves us death, separation, divorce, moving out, a kid that moves out we instantly think without fearful mind oh, that's on us, we just lost something, but we forget what we gained. We also gained something.

Speaker 2: 16:35

Right. So is there a possibility to be alone but not feel loneliness Of?

Speaker 1: 16:40

course those are too. I mean to me, of course I think, but I mean people might think otherwise. I love being alone. Why? It's only when I am alone that I can really feel who I am Like. When I'm alone, I have to focus on myself. I can look inside. I'm an asshole if I look inside while someone else is talking to me. You know, if I'm out with my friends, I'm not going to go all introspective Like you're there, you're sharing yourself, but you're the social person, you're the social self.

Speaker 1: 17:15

I think being alone is a practice that is so important for good mental hygiene. But loneliness is the chronic disease that comes from people not being okay with being alone. The people who never learned to be alone develop loneliness, and loneliness is a sensation of lack. I am lacking social interaction, I'm lacking friends, I'm lacking, and that weighs down on their self-worth, but only because they still have this mental story running in the head that they need to be popular, loved, have a partner, have a thousand friends there, 10,000 friends here.

Speaker 1: 18:00

You know, all these things that we didn't get to have but saw others have, that we learned about the world, make us lonely. We ourselves, by nature, we don't have the ability to feel lonely. It's only because we learned that loneliness could be a thing in the world that we make it a thing. You know, you have to learn the negative stories for the negative stories to become your truth. Right Loneliness? I see loneliness more in urban environments than outside of cities, which is kind of ironic Because the population density in cities is much bigger than outside Right. Yet the most lonely people are there where it's rubbed in their face. They're there where they see other people relate to each other. That makes them lonely.

Speaker 2: 18:57

Okay. So I think there's been now. Now there's a little bit more clarity. And here's what I mean. Look, if I was a random person and I saw you at that restaurant that day you went, you were by yourself. I look at you and probably think, man, the guy's lonely, probably doesn't have anybody. Little that we know is that you have a wife, you are in a marriage, you guys live together, stuff like that. But I guess people just assume just because and but you said right now I like being alone.

Speaker 2: 19:26

So is it possible to be alone but still have a wife, a partner, a business partner, whatever the case may be. But I think people always think alone and loneliness were always one thing, and it was kind of embedded in ourselves as we were little that you don't have anyone or you like. If you have someone, you're never alone, you can't be alone, and that's not acceptable. But, like you just said, right now you like to be alone because it's a time to yourself. So it's okay to be alone, but still have someone no it's not just.

Speaker 1: 19:58

Okay, it's necessary. Okay, there you go, it's necessary.

Speaker 2: 20:02

But see no one ever explains this to you. But, people.

Speaker 1: 20:07

You know, people divorce and separate because they are not given space in a relationship. Because in a relationship, the other partner is not providing the space and they're not asking for the space. But why not? Because they don't let it be known. Let it be known If you are a human being and understand the importance of being living your own life, living your own life, you will not enter a relationship where it's not amply clear.

Speaker 1: 20:37

Hey look, I want to do this together because I want us to grow together. But growing together means I give you space so you can grow, you give me space so I can grow. What does space mean? Space means whatever.

Speaker 1: 20:54

You need to be a whole person, and if that what you need to be a whole person is silence, is to be alone, to go into a cabin in the woods for a weekend by yourself, without any suspicious of like, oh, you're just trying to cheat on me. Or just to go into a restaurant by yourself. I have this understanding with my wife, no questions asked. I'm just going to go to a restaurant. And if she asked me oh, who you're going with? No one, cool, excellent.

Speaker 1: 21:25

Because she also knows that that's probably what he needs, okay, but if you see me at that restaurant, carlos and that is something I really want to make clear you see me eat there by myself and you look at me and you have the thoughts you just told me. Right, that says a lot more about you than about me. 100%, I agree, because it says about you that you think it's not okay to go eat by yourself because now you look like a lonely idiot or that person is lonely for eating alone, which is not true. It's not true. It's just like someone who's driving a certain kind of car does not necessarily have to be what we associate with that car.

Speaker 2: 22:09

I agree, 100% I agree, but at the same time, remember, no one really takes the time to really understand the difference between loneliness, being alone, and, like you said, alone is something that you definitely need.

Speaker 1: 22:22

I mean definitely Definitely.

Speaker 2: 22:25

But see so many people associated with. I need to be alone. Are you cheating on me or what are you doing? Or you just don't like to socialize.

Speaker 1: 22:31

It becomes an issue or problem, exactly or like, or you don't like me anymore. You don't want to spend time with me anymore. You know what I see? Couples spend night after night in front of the TV. They're both in the same room, all right, but they're just watching TV and not speaking to each other technically there by themselves.

Speaker 2: 22:52

So I guess now let me rephrase, after 20, over 20 minutes of talking about this, Let me rephrase this so whenever I do get involved in any type of relationship business or personal it's for me I will let it be known that I need to be alone.

Speaker 1: 23:15

Yeah that you need your space.

Speaker 2: 23:17

Right, because if you can't see that.

Speaker 2: 23:20

See, that's where. That's where I guess I was getting a little bit more like man. I look, look, don't get me wrong, I love my space. I've developed that since the last couple of years talking to you and doing a lot of different things, you know, at the Y Society and everything, and it's just like I've built and and created something within myself that now I know that there's certain times people don't get it and that's okay, cause I don't really care.

Speaker 2: 23:47

But I need to be alone to to really think about my thoughts, about me myself, love myself, care, all that good stuff and I love it. But see, now it's like okay, that's me being alone. But if I am with someone, I first thought like okay, now I can't be alone because now you're a pair, right, and you don't want to use the word alone anymore in a relationship type of thing, because you're technically you're not alone. So, but I guess, I guess the fear came in and just like man, like this has been so good for me, like do I have to give it up? Or maybe I don't, maybe screw being with someone, then I'll be alone for the rest of my life, cause that's what I like. You see, there was that left and right, you know, going back on that stuff, but now that we cleared it up, it's like, I guess, let it be known that, hey, this is what I need in a relationship.

Speaker 1: 24:35

Yeah, you know what this is so good of you to say, because I I'm sure some, some listeners can relate to this. You can be lonely in a relationship. Loneliness in a relationship is very real and that drives people nuts.

Speaker 1: 24:53

Yeah, it does, because they feel completely misunderstood. Why? Because they don't let it be known and their partners don't let it be known. Now you share a bed and a house, but you don't share any common ground. And when you don't share common ground, you can be in the most bustling city of the world, you can live at the heart of Manhattan and still be lonely. Why? Because you don't let it be known. If you don't let it be known, it doesn't matter who you, who you, who you sharing a bed with. It doesn't matter that you have a family.

Speaker 2: 25:29

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 25:30

You're estranged, and we only estranged from others when we're estranged from ourselves. And to be alone is what reconnects us with us ourselves. That's what prevents us from being estranged. Mind you, most people are estranged because they have all these voices in their heads, adm HARRY, telling them what to do, who to be. So now they have all these things they have to comply with, and that makes it so hard for them to know who they are. By definition, they hate it. By definition, they feel they'll live outside of themselves. And then, of course, they hate being alone.

Speaker 1: 26:10

Because one of those most powerful stories is you cannot be alone. It's just like you cannot be weak or show weakness. You cannot show that you wanna be alone, you cannot show that. That makes you the outcast, it makes you the outsider, the weirdo, the alien kid. You know the kid that says oh no, I don't wanna play today, I'm gonna be by myself, weirdo.

Speaker 1: 26:34

When really, this is what we have to preach and teach Grab your space, secure your space, hold your space, your space, your cave is necessary. It's what artists do when they go and paint or make music. Go play the guitar by yourself, get lost in the instrument, but use this as a gateway to the self and don't ever use the words loneliness and being alone. Just see it as being with yourself. You know, be with yourself. And if you're in a relationship, whether it's business or private, just tell your partners I need space so I can be with myself, so I can be okay, so that I can be with you. First, you have to be with yourself. We had this crazy giant episode about love right, when we said you cannot love someone else if you don't love yourself. You cannot be with someone else if you cannot be with yourself. So to go and be with yourself alone is the strategy of hygiene that takes care of your ability of being with someone else, of being a valid member to the world.

Speaker 1: 27:57

Otherwise, sociopaths are the ones that hate the world. They hate others. That's why they keep to themselves. That's an outside motive for being alone. The real motivation for being alone should be internal. It's like I'm worthy of it. I wanna know myself, I think I'm awesome and there's so much more to see and dude, I feel a certain way. I wanna explore that. I wanna go and look and guess what? The people who do that? They're much, much more valid family members and partners and business partners and community members, because they got their shit together and they also let it be known. I think that's what we need to advocate here Big time.

Speaker 2: 28:41

I mean, I still keep in contact with some friends, but you get to see everybody through social media and everything and people that I've met, people I've grew up with, whatever. There's a lot of failed relationships and it's not always because of the cheating or anything or abusive or anything like that, it's just they fall out of together. And I think what you just said right now if not let it be known of what you need for yourself, I think that's like I mean, yeah, no one ever taught you. I mean, think about it, no one ever taught you any of this. People just teach you the norm. It's like, hey, you get married, you're old with this person and support each other, blah, blah, blah, like the normal conversation. But I mean, if you think about it, this is why a lot of relationships fail, and not just personal business too. You don't let it be known of what you need in a relationship and what you need for yourself.

Speaker 1: 29:36

Yeah, yeah, it's always. You speak the truth behind people's back.

Speaker 1: 29:42

You do or you're not, even then because you don't wanna admit to it. You don't wanna admit that your job sucks, that your business is bullshit, that your relationship is bullshit, that you don't love your partner, that you hate your kids. I'm sorry to say no, it's true. Even look, even if you have kids and right now you have trouble people don't face the music, they just like pretend they paint over it. They're like no, everything's cool, everything's cool man. I'm so sick and tired of that. I see it in the faces of my friends. They're exhausted, they need a break, they need some kind of change, they need their heart to you know, their heart is being strangled. But yeah, they look at you with a straight face and say, nah, man, everything's cool man, everything's cool. Kids are going to school, blah, blah, blah. I'm like God the bullshit man.

Speaker 1: 30:37

Who are you trying to fool? You're trying to fool me, but most of all, you're trying to fool yourself. Have you ever spent any time by yourself just investigating who that guy is that is trying to fool himself and who's the guy underneath? You know who are you trying to stow away and you know, sweep under the rug, because that's what needs to be brought out. And even if your partner then thinks I don't want to be with that person, that's not who I'm married.

Speaker 1: 31:08

Good, because if you don't do that, you will always have to live with a lie. You have to keep the lie alive. We get taught, we get trained at lying, but we don't get trained at speaking our truth. We don't. I agree Anything that makes us win the game in the short term. We learn it, there's a school for it, there's a diploma for it, but there's nowhere people can turn to learn how to speak their truth. Confessions happen like in the back corner of the church, in seclusion, with an authority, but not with yourself. You don't have to confess to yourself. That's real confession. A real confession is to be alone and say like, yeah, I feel this way and this is what I need and this is what I'm gonna get. I'm gonna take it.

Speaker 2: 32:04

No, it's true, it's true. And yeah, it was just one of those things where you just start thinking you start I mean maybe you overanalyze, and again, it's not. And I always tell everybody this, because people do ask me how you know, how these, you know these talks or that, what we're doing, and let it be known going. I was like you know it's great, but it's something continuously because, like this is not just you turn the key and it's fixed type of thing, this is an ongoing thing. I mean for many years you've been taught a certain way and now you're trying to flip it around and fix it and understand what loneliness means, what the loan means, what self care means, what loving yourself mean. I mean you start like it's not gonna happen overnight. I mean if you're 30,.

Speaker 2: 32:47

For the last 28 years you've been trained on how to do things like the way they want you to do it and now you're really letting it be known and speaking your truth and, you know, creating your space. I mean, it's gonna have, it's not gonna happen overnight. You know.

Speaker 1: 33:00

No, it's not, and I can tell you with. I can tell you from experience that being lonely or not being lonely or feeling lonely and not feeling lonely has nothing to do with the amount of people that you know and that are around you. It has nothing to do with any other people at all. Actually, that's the weird thing. Maybe that's a very important thing. Actually, we think that our sense of popularity and loneliness is tied to other people. That's very dangerous, because that means that you're not in control of your emotional reality. You make other people control you through the sense of loneliness or popularity.

Speaker 1: 33:47

But we all know these people, like Freddie Mercury from Queens right or Elton John, the most popular of rock icons, can be on a stage adored by thousands of people and feel completely broken and lonely inside. And those are the people that suddenly, you know, disappear or we hear then through gossip magazines how broken they are and we can't imagine how is this possible? They're so famous and they're so successful and so popular. Because popularity has nothing to do with the other people. It only has to do with how fulfilled you are, and fulfillment has everything to do with you knowing yourself. If you know yourself, if you spend the time alone, in silence, to investigate who you are, to understand. This is my truth, this is who I am, this is what I'm here to do. And then you fulfill that. It doesn't matter if there's one person in the room, no person in the room, a million people in the room you are the one that makes yourself popular. You are the one that is in a relationship with yourself.

Speaker 1: 35:06

And because you filled out with this sense of what people call meaning sometimes they call it purpose I call it just. I call it the knowledge of the self. When you filled out with the knowledge of the self, you can just smile at any situation. It doesn't matter if you're alone in the restaurant or in a group of 20 people. I think that's the important thing that all these expressions that we use success, happiness, loneliness and popularity all these things have nothing to do with the other people. It has everything to do with our own reality. You're not gonna let other people define if you're popular or not, happy or not, successful or not. You are the one that has to have this inner emotional reality. So I can ask you, when you woke up this morning and checked in with yourself, did you feel in your own self, not in relation to the world. Did you feel empty and lonely?

Speaker 2: 36:14

No, actually I didn't, and those are one of the things and I don't do this on a daily basis but I should. But usually I'll check with myself in when I'm in the car, like getting ready to get the day started, and checking in to me is like okay, I just kinda look in the mirror and says, okay, what's today about? And it's just, I started just remembering certain things. Like okay, what am I gonna create? The space I'm gonna create, there's people here and stuff like that. But at the end of the day I'm not lonely but felt alone. But then that's where it kinda triggers like, damn, is this how it's gonna be? Like it's choose alone or be with someone, it's like one or the other type of thing, you know. But at the end of the day and now, like what you said about you could be around so many people and still be so empty and lonely inside.

Speaker 1: 37:14

Yeah, I mean otherwise. We could never understand why people who were so hugely popular took their own life. Because, even though they were enriched and they were blessed with all these people, all this support, they didn't have their own back. If you don't have your own back, it doesn't matter if the whole world adores you, it does not matter, because we live for ourselves. The rest, that's the second step to be able to carry our truth into the world and then get feedback for that, to get love for that. Now, that is the cherry on top. But the real essence of life, that is to fill your own space with yourself, not with other people, right? So there's nothing bad about having only 100 followers on Instagram. If these 100 followers are there for the right reason they're there to see you, because you make yourself visible that is worth a billion and more. But if you amass people, but you come from a place of vanity, you choose amassing vanity, and zero times a billion is still zero.

Speaker 2: 38:34

Amen, I agree.

Speaker 1: 38:36

Carlos just ended our episode with a large sip, which is not booze.

Speaker 2: 38:42

No, it's not, it's water. And no, I mean, oh man, it was good. I mean I just had to bring that up. And today, when we were talking about what we were gonna discuss, I mean literally this has been on my mind for the last maybe two, three days Just started thinking, you know, and I had a conversation with someone the other day that it just made me start thinking like damn, like hmm, yeah man, I just started thinking. I was like, oh man, when I talk to, maybe I gotta bring this up.

Speaker 2: 39:09

Because, one thing I've learned is not to stay quiet about it.

Speaker 1: 39:13

No, you need to let it be known right, and, as so many times and as the name of the show says so clearly, to let it be known in the end is the solution to everything. The thing is just that first you need to know what you had to right. Yeah, you have to let it be known, but that can only be found in the depth of the silence of being alone with yourself. That is the first step, and I mean you said it at the beginning. If someone has done that, then in closing, I just wanna say like, if someone's really done that, then that's fucking it right. That's where the bucket stops with you.

Speaker 1: 39:58

You now, you found back to yourself, you reconnected with self love. There's no. If there's no, oh what? If there's now just doing, showing up as yourself and allowing the people into your life, you're willing to come. And if you don't want to, you don't feel ready for it, that's perfectly fine too, Because if you really love yourself, you will love whatever decision your heart will tell you to make. If you wanna tell a person, I'm not ready for you, I see you, but I'm not ready for you, Own it, move forward, move on. Don't look back, Don't say like oh no, should I have said yes? Should I have said something else? Nope, nope, we gotta own it. We can only own it the situation with other people. Once we know ourselves, we own ourselves.

Speaker 2: 40:49

All right, Good man. Thank you, man. This was a good one and they're all good yeah yeah.

Speaker 1: 40:56

Well, that was, let it be known, about loneliness, being alone, the magic of finding yourself and then reconnecting with the world. Well, yeah, yeah. I'm excited for what's next and, as always, we raised a couple questions. We don't know them all. Please, if you have any questions that you feel that relate to our show, or things that you wonder and that could help, that you wonder about and that could help you navigate these times as a human being, in terms of mental health and your abilities as a social human being, please reach out, send us an email, drop a note. We're always willing to hear from you and add more to this. There's so much more that we could talk about. Correct, we might not have all the answers, but we have a lot of questions Until next time.

Speaker 2: 41:58

Thank you guys. Startup music.